


Dropped Beats

by kimoi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-02 07:56:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimoi/pseuds/kimoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where the fuck has gamzee been? and what the actual flipping shit was a 'black quadrangle'? leave it to some insane clown like gamzee to teach dave what a kismesis was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another fic translated from rp. you guys must be so tired of this by now ;_;

"Shit. IT'S YOU." Gamzee's voice rang from the depths of the chamber Dave had accidentally discovered. Unphased, he replied.  
"Yo."  
"The motherfuck do you want."  
"Chill the fuck out bro, what crawled into your panties and died?"  
"YOU. You motherfucking did." It was extremely dark, and Dave couldn't see; the only light in the room was the shape the light coming through the doorway he was standing in made.  
"Nasty."  
"THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTHERING ME FOR, STRIDER? You asking me for some sort-of sick motherfucking rap battle, huh? THE FUCK YOU REARING YOUR NASTY ASS MOTHERFUCKIN HEAD ROUND ME FOR?" The alternation between yelling and speaking normally was a little... unsettling, but Dave was cool. Ain't no thang.

"I'm bored as shit dude, so I'm bugging you. But I can fuck off if you're gonna be a pussy about it." No big deal.  
"You got other shit to do, don't you? FUCKING AROUND WITH THE BLIND CHICK, FOR INSTANCE. You do that quite a motherfucking bit, don’t see why you’d need to come around me." Pause. "UNLESS. You's lookin' for something." Dave rolled his eyes.  
"Karkat needs to calm his fucking tits, dude. Terezi and I are totally just bros and he's got some motherfucking vendetta against me about it. So I stepped the fuck off and am letting him talk to her about his "feelings" and I swear to god if I air-quoted any harder my fingers would turn arthritic and fall the fuck off." He too, paused, thinking. "And no, I'm not lookin' for anything but you have been gone a long fuckin' time I'm surprised I found you."

"I SURE AS HOLY FUCK WASN'T LOOKIN' TO SEE YOU OF ALL THE MOTHERFUCKERS ON THIS ROCK. Maybe you don't get that this clown's gotta be left alone." Dave had been feeling along the wall, trying to find a switch or something so he could maybe see what the fuck was -

"DON'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS."  
"Okay okay fuck I'm not turning anything on, Jesus shit."  
"Good. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO. Just trust me on that, motherfucker." 

Dave raised an eyebrow, glaring into the darkness through his shades.

"Why, is it like fucking trollschwitz in here or something?" Oop. "Wait, don't answer that." Oop number 2. "Wait it's not offensive to you anyway, nevermind."  
"NO. But it ain't motherfucking pretty." Dave inched back towards the door, wondering if he should just gtfo or not. But Gamzee must have seen him try and leave. "HOW YOU LIKE IT ON THE ROCK, MOTHERFUCKER? I'm kickin' my mad creativity in this room, you know. AIN'T SO BAD, BEING LEFT ALONE FOR A WHILE."

The words sent a chill down the coolkid's spine, but he kept calm.

"Are you okay bro? I'm not gonna lie I'm like two seconds away from pissing my britches over here."  
"Yeah, brother. I'M FINE."  
"Yeah okay and I'm Drew Carey."  
"Who?"  
"Uh... Troll Drew Carey?"  
"OH. Right. NAH. I'm motherfucking fine, you ain't gotta worry." There was another pause that Dave didn't like. "IT'S YOU THAT YOU GOTTA WORRY ABOUT." Apparently with good reason.  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"  
"You don't know what you're motherfuckin standing in."  
"I've been trying not to think about it." It was true. The bottoms of his shoes were pretty sticky, and every time he tried to take a step it was like the floor was holding him down. Not to mention the smell...  
"YOU ALSO DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MOTHERFUCKNIG DID. You know it's your fault, right?"  
"What the fuck are you talking about, take 2."  
"YOUR FAULT THEY'RE DEAD. Your fault, all your fault."  
"Still not following you."  
"YOU'RE STANDING IN A PUDDLE OF MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD. Your fault they're dead, you know." Dave immediately jerked one of his feet off the ground, trying to ignore the gut-wrenching sound it made when he did so.  
"Oh sick dude, what the fuck? How is it even my fault?"  
"YOU PUT A DEAD MOTHERFUCKING HAMMER ON MY MIRACLES, BROTHER. Laid a smackdown to my motherfucking faith, you dig?" Was he... talking about that stupid ICP shit? "ALL REALIZED THAT IT'S ALL JUST MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. So I took the bull by the horns. THIS TIME LTERALLY. And stepped up to my position. I AIN'T ALLOWED TO DO NO MORE SUBJUGGULATING. Best friend won't let me, and I can't disappoint him. SO YOU'RE PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING LUCKY. That he's around." Wow, what the actual fuck.  
"I ain't afraid of you," he muttered defiantly.  
"YOU SHOULD BE." Dave couldn't stop his incredulous laugh.  
"Because you've been squirreled away in your little hidey hole for a motherfucking year doing god knows what to a bunch of dead bodies? Dude I'm fucking shaking in my cape and booties."  
"Mmm, you're pretty motherfucking lucky that he's around or I'd be tearing into you like a sickle on flesh, you dig?" Dave did not dig. "RIPPIN' YOU ALL APART. Keeping you alive by a motherfucking thread, just so I can see the look on your face."  
"Yeah? Sounds great. Let's do lunch sometime." How much more clear could he be? "You don't fucking scare me." The thoughtful pause that followed his words were.... unnerving.  
"I THINK I MOTHERFUCKING HATE YOU. Waxing some serious motherfucking black. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU GOT THAT GOING FOR YOU. Something about you that's just so easy for me to hate. IT'S THE ONLY MOTHERFUCKING THING THAT'S KEEPING YOU ALIVE. Aside from Karbro."

Whoooaaaaa not this shit. Definitely fucking not.

"Oh my god not your stupid troll quadrangle shit again."  
"QUADRANT."  
"Whatever."  
"It's a lot motherfucking better than your simplistic bullshit." A thought occured to Dave, and he made a face.  
"So wait, back the fuck up. Are you asking out on some hatedate or something?"  
"MAYBE I'M SAYINGYOU SHOULD GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND WE'LL SEE WHAT LEADS TO WHAT, BROTHER."  
"Whoa dude, no homo."  
"The motherfuck is that? JUST GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE." The edge in his voice is really what made Dave jump, really what made him take a few steps closer.  
"Okay fuck, fine. But I can't see shit." Hands flew to his glasses. "And if you say anything about taking off my shades I'll kill you."  
"Don't trip."

The closer Dave got to wherever he thought Gamzee was in the room, the stronger the sour, overwhelming smell got. 

"Ugh, nasty. It smells like a fucking zoo in here." When Gamzee's voice was a mere few feet from him, Dave jumped a foot.  
"YOU REEK. What the motherfuck have you been into?"  
"Bro I smell like a goddamn daisychain compared to this shithole."  
"YOU'RE ABOUT TO STEP ON HIS HEAD."  
"Wait, what?"  
"Equius. IT'S RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING THERE. And you're bout to step on it." Dave blanched, stumbling back a bit to cover his mouth in shock.  
"Dude... fucking... sick! What the fuck - Oh god I'm going to spew why the shit did you make me come over here??" It was further unsettling when he could hear the grin in Gamzee's voice.  
"BECAUSE I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP."  
"Shit." Welp, that was fun. Time to go home. "No thanks broham, I'm fucking outtie."

As he had turned to leave Gamzee was much faster, suddenly pinning him to the wall and looming over him in the dark.

"No, you're not."


	2. Chapter 2

The smell was awful, and he struggled against the troll, trying not to gag.  
  
"Oh christ it smells even worse over here, let me the fuck go." His demand was met with his head being cracked against the wall behind him, not enough to do damage but enough to smart. Fuck, ow. Dave's heart was racing. He hadn't been scared before, but having some psychotic alien all up in your fucking business was enough to unseat the coolkid.  
  
"No. NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY." Gamzee was leaning down now, lips brushing against Dave's jaw, nipping and licking at the skin there.  
"What the ever-loving shit," he coughed, struggling to get away. "Godshit it reeks in here and what the fuck are you _doing_??" This was bizarre. More exciting than anything else that'd happened this entire goddamn year, but this was definitely not what Dave ever had in mind filed under 'cool shit to do stuck on a meteor with a bunch of crackpots'. Oh, christ. He felt like he was going to suffocate. The smell was surrounding him; it was on Gamzee's hands ((that were rubbing what he could only guess was a shitton of blood all over his face and - fuck, it was in his hair)) and he felt like throwing up even more. The troll's sharp teeth were everywhere, scraping at his neck and throat. Dave made a noise of serious disgust.  
  
"Shut up. ENJOY IT."  
  
Enjoy it? Shit. Shit. Gamzee slammed him into the wall again, this time the blow to his head a little more detrimental. Ow. He felt himself shudder, mind racing. He considered calling for help, but remembered just how long it had taken him to get here. No one would hear him. Fuck.  
  
"I really don't fucking understand your stupid culture. So excuse me, princess, if I'm _acting out_ a bit. Jesus fuck." He struggled still, resorting to attempting to shove the other away. This was too fucking weird and Dave was not going to have any of it, thank you very much. But then Gamzee bit his neck - _fuck, ow!_ -, and was flush against him now; still running those disgusting hands through his hair. Ugh.  
  
"Fucking is fucking, isn't it?"  
  
The only place he could try to shove him away was by his shoulders, and you could not say that Dave Strider wasn't trying.  
  
"What the hell are you even asking? This shit ain't kosher, bro. Let me go." Thrashing his head a bit at the hands in his hair, he definitely did not appreciate the fucker getting that gross blood shit in his gorgeous golden mop of hair. "Seriously. Let me the fuck go." Tone was as even as he could keep it. But shit, he was very quickly losing his cool. What had Karkat said about black romances? Why the hell hadn't he let the stupid troll explain them more? He was way too focused on making him draw dicks all over Rose's book. As funny as it had been - which was fucking hilarious by the way - he really should have been paying more attention. Fuck.  
"I. AIN'T. Asking." The reply was a snarl. Gamzee took ahold of his wrists, digging his nails into his skin. Dave felt the troll's knee come between his legs and he felt him bite into his neck more. Hands were raised above his head and pressed into the wall harshly. Dave felt weak on his feet, a surprised noise leaving him at the harsher bite.  
  
"A-ah! Shit, cut it out, man!" Everything fucking hurt. Gamzee's hips were flush against his now, too.  
"GET USED TO IT. Got a motherfucking problem, Strider? FIGHT ME. I ain't letting you go."  
  
Nope. Noope. Nope. This wasn't a thing. This wasn't fucking happening because Dave said it wasn't happening. Asking for what? What the fuck was he talking about? Stretched out like he was he felt incredibly vulnerable; moreso than he was simply pinned like that.  
  
"Th-this isn't fair, fucker," he growled, turning his head to try and deter the attention the troll was giving his neck. "Big man, telling a kid to fight you when you've got him fucking cornered." Either puberty was hitting the 14 year-old late, or his voice cracked because he was actually starting to get scared.  
  
"You scared yet?" Gamzee questioned darkly against his ear - Dave could feel his tongue along the lobe, and it made him shiver. He shook his head and put on his best 'cool kid' façade. Nope. Not scared. The grip on his wrists tightened and it hurt more, his fingers twitching and aching. He wanted so badly to punch him and just run but he was so fucked. Sooo fucking fucked and it was awful. He wished he had stayed put, between Kanaya and Rose and their sordid interplanetary love affair thing whateverthefuck. He would have even jammed around with the mayor. "Big man? YOU KIDDING?" One of his wrists was let go, and he didn't see Gamzee's hand creep towards the light switch near his head. He wanted to deck him so bad, then, but he felt paralyzed. "Thought you was a big tough guy, huh?"  
  
"I am a f-fucking tough guy," he spat back, but the fucking stutter kinda messed that up for him. Why was he let go? Should he try and run for it? Eyes darted to the glow of the door, debating.  
  
And then Gamzee flipped the lights on.  
  
Dave hardly noticed the hands back on his wrists; he was too busy trying to suppress the gag he felt coming on as his eyes raked across the room. Terror easily masked by his shades. The view wasn't pleasant. At all. There were heads - Equius', Tavros', Nepeta's, Vriska's, Sollux's - bodies, mingled around, set up on some sort-of display. Aside from one or two that'd fallen. Equius' head laying down on the floor and Vriska's head next to Tavros' in a mocking, bitter display of his and her relationship. Gamzee himself looked fucking awful. His skin was paler than Karkat's, and he was a fucking wreck. He looked like he should have been weaker.  
  
"Don't look so motherfucking tough to me."  
  
Oh god. If there had ever been a moment in Dave's life when he wanted to puke it was right now. The pain and nausea dizzied him, and he felt his knees weaken.  
  
"Fuck bro let me go," he groaned, his stomach churning. "What the fuck ever, you fucking win, just - I'm gonna fucking barf." That coffee was definitely not going to taste the same coming up as it did going down. And it had already tasted pretty shitty. Somehow the smell had seemed to amplify tenthfold now that he had seen where it was coming from, and it stung his nose so bad he could - "God, seriously, I'll fucking puke on you. Let me the shitting fuck go." The pants-wetting terror that this stupid son of a bitch had done this was digging its talons into the back of his head, and wasn't pacifying his stomach one bit.  
  
"You gonna lose it, brother? LOSE YOUR FUCKING LUNCH? I don't give a motherfuck." But Gamzee backed off a bit, giving Dave a bit of space, a smile plastered onto his features and his half-lidded eyes flashing with some sort-of fucked-up mixture of what Dave didn't dare think of as hate, lust, and deviance.  
  
Finally let go of he doubled over, falling to his hands and knees and wretching.  
  
"You like my motherfucking works of art, huh? MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL, LOOK AT ALL THESE COLOURS." He was leaning down, hovering over Tavros' head, and slipping a finger between his still lips. "This one's my favourite, brother. TOO BAD I MADE A PROMISE, HUH? I'd love to add you to my collection."  
  
"G-god no," Dave croaked in response. Fuck, the coffee _did_ taste worse coming up than it did going down. Not to mention that he really hadn't had much to eat lately, so those three cups were all he had in him to quickly puke up. It was disgusting; bile and coffee mixed with the dizzying display of colourful troll blood on the floor. Definitely uncool. He finished as Gamzee was commenting about his 'collection', vertigo and exhaustion nearly making him fall the fuck over. But he managed to sit and slouch back against the wall, face flushed and him breathing heavily. He stared up at the troll with that defiant look - though it was considerably hindered by the... uh. Well. He had kinda puked on himself a good bit, the brown substance running down his chin and onto the front of his god-tier outfit. He swallowed shakily.  
  
"Y-you're fucked up, bro," he groaned, head pounding from the exertion. "My head's too good-looking to be in this dump, anyway."  
  
The troll's smile immediately turned into a frown and all of a sudden he was back in front of the kid, grabbing his shoulders and slamming him into the wall again. Dave let out a cry as his head connected with the rough surface with a resounding _crack_. Gamzee's legs were around his waist now, the troll more or less straddling him as he sat there, trapped.  
  
"You motherfucking reek," the troll muttered, sneering at the him. Nails dug into Dave's shoulders and it hurt, but not as bad as the crack to his head had.  
"O-ow, shit - seriously stop."  
"You don't like my masterpiece, then? IT'S BEAUTIFUL. It's a miracle. THE MOTHERFUCKING COLOURS THAT RAN THROUGH MY FINGERS WAS THE BEST THING I EVER FELT. Can't do it no more, though, no, I can't do it no more. Can't be spillin' blood, Karbro don't want that." He was so close to Dave's face the kid could feel every breath that left through that chilling grin. "But he don't like you."  
  
His head was spinning. His stomach was weak as shit. Those claws fucking hurt. And why was he sitting on him like that. Fuck. Fuck. He should have ran when he had the chance. He peered at him through the sunglasses, breathing a bit shaky still. The continued nausea was awful; the smell so overpowering. He was pretty sure if he had to he could find something else in him to throw up. And what was this shit about miracles? And why did he keep going on about Karkat? Was he like his motherfucking babysitter or something?  
  
"Karkat's a trainwreck, dude. But he ain't got no shit with me. How the fuck would you know? You're the one that left him alone."  
  
The troll sneered again, leaning in close once more.  
  
"The MOTHERFUCK MAKES YOU THINK I'M GONNA STOP WHEN YOU SAY SHIT LIKE THAT? I can just tell, you know? It ain't too motherfuckin' hard to see that he ain't much caring for you." Gamzee paused, leaning back just a little, as if he were sizing Dave up. "I should be a caring motherfucker, you know? I SHOULD ASK, I SHOULD MOTHERFUCKIN' GO ALL FORMAL, MAKE SHIT OFFICIAL. But I won't. I'm waxin' so motherfuckin' black, and I don't think I'm gonna be givin' you a choice."  
  
Caring? Formal? Was this more troll romance bullshit? And who the fuck cared what Karkat thought of him? Kid was a douche and theless Dave had to do with him the better.  
  
"I didn't know you were such a fucking romantic, bro." He grimaced as Gamzee rolled his hips and leaned forward - but then he backed off with a snarl.  
  
"Get that shit off of you. S'motherfuckin' sick." Oh, the puke? Gladly. Dave spit on him then, wiping off his mouth and chin with the back of his sleeve. Smirk curled onto his face.  
"Good enough for you, princess?"  
  
The reply he got was his head being slammed into the wall again, the boy seeing stars as a groggy groan left him. No sooner had he shaken them away did the back of Gamzee's hand collide with his cheek, sending Dave into a bit of a daze. He blinked in a lethargic way at the troll, as if he were entirely confused for a split second as to where he was or why he was here. He was having trouble focusing with all the blows to his head. He was going to be concussed if this kept happening. His cheek burned from the backhand, and Gamzee's hand was suddenly on his jaw tightly, growling at him and very... close.  
  
"Don't you EVER MOTHERFUCKING SPIT ON ME. You understand?"  
"Then don't get within spitting range, fuckstick." Though he was feeling a lot less up to scratch than he had been before.  
"The more you motherfucking struggle with me, the less MERCIFUL we're gonna be with you."  
"We? - mmfm!" Okay. What the actual sord-splitting cake-baking FUCK was going the shit on? Before he could finish his thought asking who the fuck Gamzee meant aside himself with that 'we' shit, the troll was all over his mouth - hand moving from his jaw to his neck and holding tightly; tightly enough to make breathing an issue all of a sudden. He tried to jerk his head away from the painful kiss but the hand held him still, Dave's mind racing and trying to figure out just what was going on.

  
"Mmwhut thfuck-shtwhtthefuckmmareyoudoin-" He tried to push him off, push him away - but his coordination was for shit, his head hurt something fucking fierce, and _whoa_ why the fuck was this crazy son of a bitch doing _that_?? Grinding against him and kissing him and this was so bizarre and unwanted and he was also bleeding which was totally not something coolkids did. From his mouth. Gamzee had bit him in the sloppy makeouts. Ugh. The hand kept tightening on his neck, and breathing was becoming an issue. Christ. Fuck. No. At first this had seemed like something Dave could totally get out of, something that he could overcome and shove Gamzee off and be like 'whatever bro i'm outtie' and then leave with a swoosh of his totally bitchin' cape and at least a shred of dignity. The second Gamzee ground against him, the instant he felt those fingers tighten, the moment that disgusting alien tongue was in his mouth - he knew the odds were strongly fucking stacked against him. Head pounded, kid weakly trying to shove him away still. Fuck. Fuck. He couldn't breathe. The stars returned to his vision and he tried to desperately kick Gamzee off his lap, hand how clawing at the one around his throat.  
  
"Dmd-dude," he croaked. Not cool. Not fucking cool oh god so not cool. Gasp-cry left him once there was an opening to breathe, his fingers attempting to bite into the wrist of the hand slowly suffocating him. Anything to get it off. Goddammitgoddammitgoddammit... He searched feebly for one of his weapons. Shit, had the card fallen out of his sylladex or something totally stupid like that? Fuck. Eyes darted around behind the tinted lenses, spotting it maybe-hopefully-not-just-out-of-his-reach. One of his shitty broken swords, but it was better than nothing. Still trying to free his throat, he reached for it.  
  
Shit. Busted. Just like that his wrists were pinned to the wall again, knuckles painfully smacking into it. When his mouth opened to cry out again the troll was all over his mouth once more - tongue eagerly waging war in the kid's own mouth. Oh fucking shit, this was retarded. This was fucking retarded. It was sick and nasty and in no way to be confused with anything labeled as 'sicknasty', which is how fucking dope his rhymes were. Dave whimpered, knees bending to try and throw the troll off. Gamzee was grinding against him more eagerly, and the kiss broke.  
  
"What's the matter, Strider? Can't take it?" He swallowed the dry lump in his throat, coughing and attempting to get the taste of bile and coffee out of his throat. It'd crept back up while they were kissing. Disgusting. The comment irritated him and he wondered if he had it in himself for another sassback.  
  
"What would your fuckin' bee-eff-eff aka boyfriend say if he s-saw you all up on a fuckin' human like this?" Eyes narrowed imperceptibly behind his shades. "Or would he just cry more?" ....turns out, he did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the non-con starts; if you are not okay with that i implore you to check out something else of mine or just wander away entirely. i won't be mad!

The hand was back on his neck again, the stricture of the hold tighter than it had been previously. He wasn't sure if he was expecting both or neither of the next two happenings - but the first one was a kiss, and the second one was his head being slammed into the wall again.  
  
"O-oh..." The soft noise was mostly a whimper; dazed and complete with the little white cartoony stars. They were clearer this time, and a small bit of black was creeping into the corners of his vision. He couldn't feel it because of his hair, but the last slam had broken the skin - he was bleeding from the back of his head. He also couldn't breathe again. Shit, that was cool, right? He coughed - rather, spluttered was a more apt term - and blood dribbled from his mouth, Dave having bitten his tongue in the last slam-session with the wall behind him. Not to mention when Gamzee had bitten his lip. Good times. Hands immediately flew to the hand around his neck again, nails digging in as much as they could.  
  
"I'LL MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU. Mind your motherfucking tongue, bitch, or I'll have you on your back in ten motherfucking seconds flat, and let me tell you, shitblood - I ain't gentle." Gamzee's hand found its way under his shirt, raking his nails down the side of his ribcage, causing lines of blood to follow. Dave gave a stuttered cry. "YOU KEEP TALKIN' BACK AND THAT'S JUST TELLING ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT IT. You're practically _begging_ for it."  
  
"B-bring it," he choked, that coolkid attitude absolutely refusing to quit. But oh christ, he was nauseas. He couldn't see very well and was dizzy and if Gamzee hadn't been so absorbed he would have noticed the kid fucking shaking. Motherfucking Dave Strider had a motherfucking concussion. Also, his heart was racing. Also, he was terrified.  
  
And now his shirt was being pulled off? Ripped off, actually - he was pretty sure Gamzee had ruined it. And oh fuck - the shirt pulled his cape and glasses off, too. Before he could complain about losing his shades his back had hit the floor, the kid staring up wards as his eyes slid in and out of focus briefly. He stared up at Gamzee stupidly for a second, the trauma to his head causing a brief instant of docility and confusion. And then he felt a weight on his chest and realized Gamzee was sitting on his bare stomach, backside pressed against his hips - and he wouldn't stop rolling them, that smile wide on his face as he jerked a little faster against him. He leaned down and kissed him again and Dave shook his head and again tried to buck him off.  
  
"No... Cut it the f....fuck out..." But his words were weak, head full of the smell of blood and the decay and other smells he really didn't want to think about. He groaned as fingers tightened in his hair behind his head but then they stopped - Gamzee inspecting the red blood as it coated his fingertips. He smiled, leaning in close again to smear it on his own lips, then dragged a single finger slowly Across Dave's neck, across his jugular, making a fine line of blood. "Fuck... off...."  
  
"What's the matter, you all motherfuckin' talk? You got all the bark, but no bite."  
  
Dave's hand grabbed at the one that had painted his throat with the blood, trying to dig his nails into it again. The injuries to his head were really, really, counting against him.  
  
"Easy to say for someone that's got a kid fucking pinned to the floor." How the fuck could Dave fight back like this? In his condition? "Pathetic, man." But he felt pathetic, too, ready to barf again with how close he was to the awful fucking stench. "Hng-!" The hand that was covered in blood was around his throat, pressing him against the ground, digging his fingers into the soft flesh there and pressing hard - so hard, so hard that he couldn't breathe and the darkness was creeping into his vision again. Dave gripped wildly at the hand, trying to pull it off again before Gamzee reached behind him. Oh fuck no where was that hand goi -  
  
"Ff-fuck, stop--" Godshitdammitfuckno. He was palming the boy through his pants. Hips bucked weakly once more, Dave trying to roll over or do _something_ to get Gamzee off him.  
"No motherfucking way. YOU FEELING IT? You feeling that wicked motherfucking black coursing through your veins? YOU WANNA KILL ME, DON'T YOU? But you can't, you weak-ass motherfucker." He smiled almost dreamily, licking Dave's blood from his lips. "There ain't a damn thing you can do, there ain't a damn thing you can motherfuckin' do, because you're weak. IF YOU WASN'T WEAK, YOU WOULDN'T BE PINNED TO THE MOTHERFUCKING FLOOR, WOULD YOU? I got the upper hand, because you can't fight back against a clown. THAT. Is pathetic."  
  
He was pretty pathetic. Right now he was very helpless and was starting to realize it more and more. His vision was clouding over worse, now, the black creeping further and further into his vision. He had to do something. Gamzee was going to fucking kill him and then do god knows what with his gorgeous fucking body. Shitshitshitwhatshouldhedowhatshouldhedo -- ...he spat on him again. That's what happened. He may have been weak, but he would always be defiant. Red eyes were half closed in a smug sort-of way, regardless of how quickly he was losing consciousness. He'd go out with a fucking _bang_.  
  
Gamzee snarled, pressing his claws into his neck - breaking skin, his entire weight bearing down on Dave's chest. The boy gave a strangled cry, and thrashed again. But the hand removed itself from his throat and he took a deep fucking breath.  
  
"G-get.... off....." There was a hand on the back of his head, gripping into his hair again, lifting Dave's head off the ground while the troll's other hand tugged his own pants down. Fuck. Fuck. The hand pressed his head forward, while the other hand was wrapped around the troll's - uh, well, it sure looked a lot like a dick - _that_ , and made it drag across Dave's bottom lip. There was a warm, almost transluscent purple liquid beaded at the tip. And now it was on him. Fucking disgusting.  
  
"You motherfucking suck it. You bite, and you'll wish you was never hatched."  
  
Oh. Fuck. No.  
  
"F-fuck no." Dave Strider was not going to get his groove on with no weird alien cock, no sir. On his list of weird fucking things he'd done this was not going to be included whatsoever. It could not. It would not. Dave was not going to do that. "Suck it yourself, fucker." Mouth clamped shut in a snarl, glaring up at the the troll with those red eyes of his. Deep breaths were taken through his nose, hands gripping as tightly as they possibly could into Gamzee's knees. This was not a thing that was going to happen.  
  
...or it was something that might happen, the way Gamzee's hand came to pinch his nose shut and lay across his mouth, the other taking ahold of his length and just sitting there, fucking smug as ever, looking like he was waiting for a bus. God dammit. God. Shitfucking. Dammit. He debated with himself on just letting his brain click off and he could pass the fuck out - at least then he wouldn't have any idea what was happening to him. But the looming fear that the troll _might_ actually kill him while he was down for the count was very real in his head.  
  
"Your motherfucking job, not mine, you understand me?"  
  
It was with much, much internal debating that he shook his head, fist pounding on the ground next to him to let go, let go of his mouth, he was going to fucking black out and he'd suck his stupid nasty troll dick just please let him breathe.  
  
"Open up, motherfucker. Take it like the good little bitch that you've got such the motherfucking potential to be."  
  
The hand was removed and he sputtered, choked, and gasped; mouth finally opening. He shuddered as he felt Gamzee rub the head against his lips, swallowing shakily and nearly gagging on the taste of his own blood. Seriously. No more blood. Please, god. Cheeks were nearly as dark as his discarded cape, and he closed his eyes - trying to force himself to imagine he was totally somewhere else. His concussed mind made it really easy to do this, actually. He could almost forget the smell, he could almost forget the hot weight on his chest, and he could almost forget the trollcock that was begging entrance into his mouth. This totally wasn't happening. What a fucked-up dream.  
  
But Gamzee pushed his length into his mouth and Dave shuddered; he shuddered and winced and fucking whimpered and gagged just from the disgust he felt towards himself alone. Especially at the groan Gamzee sounded, especially the shudder he felt the troll take.  
  
"Ggngn," he groaned, but in his head it sounded a lot more like 'fuckfuckfuckFUCKYOU'. G-god dammit. He gagged again as Gamzee slid in further, nearly throwing up again at the contact so far back. The hand was back in his hair, moving his head for him; back and forth, the tip of his cock hitting the back of his throat. And it didn't let up. Gamzee jerked his hips and jerked his head, and the grip he had in his hair once again made the gash on the back of his skull burn. Okay, okay fuck. He was there. He was there and it hurt, he couldn't imagine itself out of it - everything hurt; tears were forming in the corners of his tightly-closed eyes, fingers tightening and loosening their grip on Gamzee's knees. He wanted to do more. He wanted to hit him, he wanted to bite him, he wanted to do anything he could to make him stop. He gagged again, his throat on fire - the thought of Gamzeejust killing him right then and there possibly one of the more blissful images to float into his head since he'd gotten here.  
  
But he knew he would never be so lucky.  
  
Gamzee's hips gave another rough jerk, pressing himself as far inside of Dave's mouth as he could. The blonde gagged again, tears growing bigger in the corner of his eyes from the strain.  
  
"Don't just sit there. DO SOMETHING WITH IT." He heard a noise of irritation from the troll, this time his head pressed harder; Gamzee nearly to the hilt. He couldn't breathe. The dick in his throat combined with the weight of the troll on his chest wasmaking it really fucking hard to breathe and definitely hard to concentrate and even _harder_ not to black out but he tried - mouth closing around his cock ((though this compounded his breathing considerably)) and his tongue doing... whatever the fuck it was doing, shit, he didn't fucking know. No homo, remember? Dave had never actually sucked a dick before and not even in an ironic sense had he ever imagined doing so.  
  
Gamzee apparently trusted him enough to lean back and let his hands rest on the boy's hips, rocking himself into and out of Dave's mouth at what was a more... manageable pace. He felt his knees tighten around his torso and it almost made him choke again. But apparently he wasn't doing a good enough job, because Gamzee slammed his knee down hard on his arm and glowered down at him. He let out a painful howl, the pain so sudden and intense he found himself very quickly wondering if he had broken his arm. Gamzee just glared down at him.  
  
"You're shit at this. CAN'T EVEN GET UP A RHYTHM."  
  
Amongst everything, the knee grinding against his arm painted more blackness in his eyes, more stars dancing in his vision. Tears of pain slid down his cheeks and onto the floor, into his bloodied hair and it pissed him off so bad that he was crying but this was fucking ridiculous. Fingers flexed desperately, pain spiking with every motion. Fuck. Fuck fuck. And he wasn't doing a good enough job. He tried harder out of desperation, despite the dizzying pain in his head he attempted to move a bit to try and cover up how shitty of a bj he was giving. And he couldn't breeeeathe fuck he couldn't breathe, but still he tried - tongue moving as best it could along the shaft, Dave hopelessly wishing for some magical finesse to find its way to his mouth. Or that he'd black out. One of the two.  
  
"Enough of this." Gamzee pulled out of the blonde's mouth, hissing a bit before he leaned down, bringing a hand to Dave's cheeks, wiping away the tears. He was humming some chilling fucking tune and it unnerved the kid, gasping for air as his mind raced. Fuck. Free hand shot up to wipe over his forehead. What was going on? The troll was being uncharacteristically gentle, and it fucking _scored_ him - his entire frame trembling, a really conflicted look on his face as his pussy-fucking tears were wiped away. This wasn't going to end well. He'd seen enough shitty horror movies to know exactly what was going on, but there was a small, stupid, really fucking insipid part of him in the back of his mind that had all its fingers crossed that this was actually going to be - Gamzee had shuffled back a bit, tugging the kid's pants down to his knees.  
  
"Whoa. No. Not okay. Notokaynotokaynotokay-" He jerked his injured arm free, yelping again, as he tried to desperately shove Gamzee off once more, kicking his legs and thrashing about as much as his battered frame and concussion-addled mind would allow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS VERY NONCON!!! this is your second and final warning! leave now or forever hold your peace!!

But it wasn't working. Gamzee was hiking his kicking legs up, digging his claws into them and fuck it hurt; the more he struggled the deeper the claws sank but he couldn't give up. He was so much weaker by comparison; the way Gamzee was tugging his hips to meet him halfway, the way he couldn't do much to fight against the feeling of his cock pressing against him like that... Every time he struggled, the troll would apply pressure dangerously. Even though the new pain caused a surge of adrenaline and all he wanted to do was fight, thrash more, and... Uuughhh. Noooo no. This. Would not happen. He felt the hot tip pressing against him and he couldn't control his violent shudder.  
  
"What's the matter, huh? CAN'T TAKE IT? That's a shame."  
"P-please," he whimpered in desperation. He couldn't take it. He couldn't. Gamzee dug his claws into his thigh and raked them to his knee, and Dave moaned in pain. "Ggnnnhahh ow, fuck, p-please god no..." His leg burned with the clawmarks, pretty sure bruises were already sprouting up across his entire body. Neck, jaw, hips - shoulders, arm, and chest. He'd do anything, just please don't do this to him. He'd take a beating, he'd make out with one of the severed heads, he'd never speak to Karkat again - jesus fuck just _don't do this to him_. He was crying again, struggling to get up get up GET UP and get away, just get the fuck away. He had to. This couldn't happen.  
  
When he saw that smile on the troll's face, though... that creepy grin that stretched from ear to ear, he kinda knew that there wasn't anything he could do. Especially when he... felt...  
  
"N-no no no nonononooo n--!" His eyes widened impossibly as he was forced into, a sort-of choked sob leaving him as he clawed the air desperately, trying to reach Gamzee so he could scratch him, hit, bite, do _a n y t h i n g_ to make this unbearable pain stop. Just stop. It hurt so fucking bad, the pain in his head and arm were like frolicking in a field of fucking ponies and rainbows and daisies by comparison. It burned. Everything burned. The poor kid was on fire, Gamzee wasting no time forcing himself inside - the resistance his small body gave the troll was met with loud cursing and more powerful thrusts, broken sobs and strangled howls of pain leaving the 14 year-old as he cried and bled and simpered and sobbed and arched his back and just wanted to /die/. Gamzee had forced his way to the hilt and Dave felt him shudder, another pained moan leaving him. The troll growled, the only warning the boy had before he slapped him across the jaw hard, taking it in his hands again and forcing Dave to look him in the eye. He was stunned once again into a momentary silence, staring up at Gamzee, the fear of god struck into him, violent tremors shaking his fragile frame.  
  
"You're supposed to MOTHERFUCKING WANT IT. BEG ME."  
  
He didn't want it. He didn't want it.  
  
"I d-don't w-w-want it," he sobbed, hands wrapping around the troll's wrists. "God, st-stop... please... f-fuck..."  
  
"You're beggin' for the wrong thing." He hiked one of Dave's legs over his shoulder. Wr-wrong thing? What the shit??  
  
"Ggghhngnaa... nooo...."  He felt him draw back and thrust back in relentlessly - a number of times. Each rough thrust was responded to with a sound of distinct pain, devoid of anything that could be misconstrued as desire.  
  
"I'm not motherfucking stopping. YOU CAN FORGET THAT RIGHT NOW. You was the one that told me to bring it, wasn't you? WASN'T IT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IDEA?" He was laughing at him, and Dave was feebly attempting to crawl away. Gamzee's claws raked down his ribcage, down his thighs to his ass, gripping and spreading. He writhed at the claws, struggling harder as he felt the troll pull and maneuver and tear him to shreds.  
  
"N-not this," Dave wailed. He didn't mean for him to bring this. Anything but this. He didn't want this. Fuck, he hadn't even meant to find Gamzee. It was a fucking accident - the biggest fucking tragic accident of his entire life. Dying hadn't even been this bad. Tears streamed down his face, eyes burning much like the rest of him.  
  
"Tell me you want me to fuck you. TELL ME YOU WANT IT, AND TELL ME HOW BAD."

"N-no, I d-don't -- _ggghhhhhnnfff_ \-- p-please n-no--!" He felt paralyzed again, no part of his body moving and cooperating how he wanted it to. Hand flew to his mouth, side aching as he felt himself wretch. He couldn't hold it back and he threw up again, the coffee-mess dribbling through his fingers and down his chin and neck and torso because he couldn't - his fucking brain wasn't working right, it couldn't tell his motherfucking torso to lean over so he didn't fucking puke on himself. Gooooooodfuckingdammit. The blackness was creeping up on him again, eyes wildly trying to focus on anything. Sullied hand tried to grope for one of Gamzee's in what was meant to be a half-hearted attempt at pulling him off again, his whimpers and cries becoming white noise to even himself.  
  
"BEG, STRIDER. Beg. It'll make things a whole lot easier on you." He was thrusting faster and harder, claws digging in and coaxing more and more blood from the boy. He took ahold of Dave's chin and jerked his head down, forcing him to look where they were connected.  
  
"Look what I'm doing to you. YOU WANT MORE. Tell me you want more, tell me you love it. SAY IT! Come on.."  
"N-no," he whispered in a whimper, absolutely refusing to acknowledge that this was happening to him. C-coolkids didn't get... they didn't... The jerk to his head made the room spin, Gamzee taking ahold of his throat again and squeezed, claws digging in once more. His own hands were furiously trying to pry them off, blackness creeping ever-further. Before he got very far in this exercise in futility, Gamzee slammed his head against the floor.

  
Oh.... Oh. Ow. For a second Dave didn't move, his mind completely just.... blank. He knew something hurt. He knew he was terrified. He knew his name and where he was from, but everything was so... fuzzy all of a sudden. In a rush everything returned to him, the momentary white-out a bit of a scare. But in a way this really was all his fault, wasn't it? Realistically speaking, Dave had no business poking around where he didn't belong. It was with this uncharacteristic realization that he heard himself whimper again; the sound far-off and distant, like he wasn't really in control of it. He jerked, pain shooting through him as he tried to support himself with what he was willing to guess was a broken arm.

  
"P-please," he tried again, but his tone was different this time - it was somehow desperate in a different way. He was still in unspeakable pain, there was absolutely no denying that. He was still bleeding in more places than he cared to count. He was shaking so violently his entire musculature was sore. He knew this was wrong, in the back of his head ((right around where he was bleeding from)) he knew that he didn't want this. He wanted nothing to do with this whatosever. But there was nothing that the little voice way the fuck back there could do anything about the repetition of the 'p' word, and the way Dave's mouth opened to say - not 'i want it'- but - "I d-deserve it."

  
Gamzee's actions slowed and he hilted himself into Dave, rolling his hips slowly and steadily.  
  
"And why do you motherfucking deserve it?" He leaned in close, pressing his lips to the corner of the coolkid's mouth, hips still moving in that antagonizingly slow way. His hands were on Dave's sides, rubbing up and down in what he could barely dare to think of as a _gentle_ way. He swallowed uneasily, his mouth still tasting like shit for some reason - had he thrown up again since the first time? - a very pained expression settling on his features as the troll took to those... slow, drawn-out rolls into him. Wh-why did he deserve it? He opened his mouth to reply but had no answer, a bit stunned from the affectionate kiss, from the gentility of his hands. It tore him up inside for reasons he didn't understand. Was he that concussed? Maybe he had actually forgotten why he was here and what was going on.  
  
"Tell me what you did wrong, huh? TELL ME. Which one of us motherfuckers is at the motherfuckin' top, and which one of us is the pathetic ass motherfucking that ain't got a chance?" He jerked his hips roughly and angrily, smug expression turning sour. "MOTHERFUCKING TELL ME."

  
"Nnh--!" The rough jerk startled him, and immediately following the sound another quiet sob resounded from him, tears still a constant down his red face. "I-I'm... a t-total bitch," he whispered, red eyes watching Gamzee's face in terror. Oh god, stop yelling, just please stop fucking yelling... "I b-badmouthed your bro... I'm an a-awful person, I deserve it." He shuddered again, another sob rising. "B-but I don't, because I'm s-such a f-f-fucking nobody." Uh. Just how much of this was the concussion and how much of this was how Dave _actually_ felt? "I don't des-serve it. But I want it. B-be-because I w-want the attention." If what he was saying was entirely accurate, he deserved the non-con fuck because he was a terrible person who talked down about people's brohams and that wasn't cool. But he didn't deserve it because he did that. He didn't deserve the attention he got, negative or otherwise. But he wanted it because any attention was better than being stuck on a fucking rock where all your friends were either being space lesbians or eating chalk. Dave was a lot more fucked up than he ever let on. Oh-kay Dave let's... pull it in, get your head out of that silly space it was in - cut it the fuck out, Dave. Come _on_.  
  
"Good boy." Laughing again, Gamzee thrust back inside roughly, nails raking down his side again. Oh, Dave... you were such a fool to believe anything that Gamzee said. His back arched against his will, the sudden and painful shiver that tore through him rousing another groan of pain. God... god dammit. It fucking hurt. It fucking hurt and he didn't want this. He knew he didn't want this because he wasn't a stupid fucking kid. Okay, he WAS a stupid fucking kid but he wasn't THAT kind of stupid. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!! Lengthy whimper left his mouth, head shaking back and forth again, hands resuming their quest of trying to get the troll off him. Or rather, out of him.  
  
"S-stop," he sobbed again, the intensity of the pain jazzed up from his momentary trip to altered-state-of-mind-sville. H-he had said... he had said... that he'd... God, this wasn't happening. Coolkids didn't get raped. " _Hhhhhhhhhhnggnghhhh._ " The claws felt like they were tracing streams of acid down his skin, burning a path that he'd never forget the agony of. Was there a single inch on Dave Strider not covered in blood or bruises? "G-god - stop - pl-please --" Gasp was heard between each word, Dave unable to control his breathing like some stupid asthmatic kid. "N-no - no - n-no more --" He was still fucking crying, and beginning to wonder just how much more of this he could take before he _actually_ passed out.  
  
Gamzee leaned down, pressing his lips against one of the more angry wounds on his neck, biting down - practically ripping through the skin, like he was actually aiming to take a bite out of him. A dangerous growl left him as he did this, and he almost seemed like he was drunk off the sensation. Dave made a similar sound, but obvious more agonized than inebriated. Well, delerium was somewhat similar.  
  
He was far too weak by now... having lost so much blood, being hit repeatedly in the head with no small amount of force, having been constantly rocking with tremors since this started... not to mention being in so much blinding pain he found himself wondering how he was still conscious - Dave was just too weak to fight it anymore. He wanted to. Every fiber of his being burned to hit him, to thrash and kick and just fucking fight _back_. But when Gamzee bit into his neck, when his cries turned pathetically hoarse, when the hands of someone strange that was _not_ his friend talon'd him like that... He couldn't fight anymore. He whimpered in a broken tone, hands weakly lifting to attempt once more to push him away. His nails may have scratched Gamzee's skin, which he was willing to count as a small victory. He bit his bottom lip, teeth nibbling the already sensitive skin there.  
  
That was, until, Gamzee kissed him. In his absolutely devastated, hurt, and mentally/emotionally/physically damaged state he could do little more than sob harder, feebly hitting his shoulder, trying to get him off. Turned his head this way and that. Thrashed about as much as he could.  
  
"St-stoooop," he moaned. The only reason it sounded so half-hearted was because most of his heart and his spirit had been destroyed already.  
  
Gamzee just laughed. The fucker. Just. Laughed. The sound tapered into a groan, though; pleased noises leaving him more frequently than the giggles were. He buried them in Dave's neck, lips and tongue dragging across his jugular.  It was sad that the kid took solace in the fact he wasn't being choked right now. It was a good thing, though, seeing as his breathing was rather... erratic? Still mostly hyperventilating, still mostly fueled by terror and the fact that in a few short seconds he might not be _able_ to breathe anymore. The sounds Gamzee was making were driving him crazy, the incessant sound of the troll's laughter and the sexual sounds and growls and everything else ringing in his head, causing his hands to grip at his temples, wanting to force them out, make them stop. Head shook back and forth, attempting to do... what? He wasn't even fully aware of what was going on anymore; the pain was a dull throb, and his entire body was lethargic and mostly numb.  
  
The kid's worry spiked when the troll jerked back, sitting up again, hands falling to his hips and grabbing them roughly. A sharp yelp left him as he reached with both hands, broken arm and all, grabbing at the fabric of the troll's shirt. Wanting to throw him off, wanting to do anything - but he was too weak. He sobbed into his hands, back arching as the thrusts grew faster, the pain grew more intense. The hands on his hips were searing his flesh, and he moaned in earnest, extreme hurt.  
  
His noise was greeted with something similar from Gamzee, and it sent a chill prickling down his spine. Something t-told him... O-oh fuck, oh fuckohfuck - head pressed painfully against the floor, a shrill cry heard from Dave as Gamzee gracelessly emptied his genetic fluid into the boy, biting his neck again harshly. It... That was sick. It was sick and he wanted to puke again but all he could do was continue to sob, if anything grateful that the troll had finally stilled. He collapsed on top of the boy, the blow winding him.  
  
" _I hate you_ ," he whispered into Dave's ear.  
  
The words were a stunning coup de grace on top of everything else and he shook his head miserably, entire body trembling and he weakly shoving at the troll, the pain from his arm numb like the rest of him.  
  
"J-just get off me... g-get off... please... just..."  
  
When all Gamzee did was kiss him gently, running his hands over his wounds like a lover might, it made Dave's hands find his temples again, sliding down as they gripped at the skin, nails digging into his own cheeks. They were hot and wet. Another violent shudder tore through his fatigued body and he felt more tears hitting his fingertips, trying to shove the troll's face away. It wasn't working. Nothing was working. The affection made him close his eyes again, fingertips pressing against his eyelids. Dave knew Gamzee was doing this out of spite, to further upset him. The troll knew exactly how to push all his buttons.  
  
"J-just stop..." he whispered shakily, the small sobs still leaving him. He knew the affections were meant to be hurtful and they were. It was possibly the most hurtful thing the troll had done to him. False niceties were really... not cool with him.  
  
"You ain't gonna tell no-one where I am, you hear me? I'LL FIND YOU." The voice made him jump and he nodded emphatically - which was probably not the best idea. He groaned and gripped into his hair as the pain sent his head whirling.  
  
"I w-won't," he whimpered. "I won't, I p-p-promise..." Just let him go already. Please...  
  
Gamzee finally let go, sitting up and pulling his pants up, walking away from the discarded boy to go do whatever the fuck it is he was going to do now. Probably play with his heads some more.  
  
"Get the motherfuck out." Pause, and he heard him murmur something inaudible. Then - "Turn off the light on your way out." The voice made him wince, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. And he shivered again.  
  
And kinda just... laid there for a minute, the room spinning around him. He couldn't... he couldn't think straight. He was still crying but not as audibly, trying to find the strength in himself to get up, get _up_ and get the fuck out of there. He took a deep and shuddering breath, using his uninjured arm to prop himself up a bit with a soft cry. Everything.... everywhere hurt. Struggling to pull his own pants on his movements were incredibly slow. Dave had stopped trying to control his breathing, figuring that whenever he stopped hyperventilating he'd just drop like a fucking rock. He hoped he would. Rising to his knees was a special challenge and he fell forward onto his hands, noise of pain leaving him as his injured arm crumpled under his weight. N-no, he had to get out of here. Had to. Had to... he crawled over to his shirt, cape, and shades, pulling them onto himself in a methodic, careful way. Covering the clawmarks on his ribcage, the bitemarks on his neck and collarbone, the bruises and the blood. Shaking hands lifted the cape over his head and he replaced his shades, using the wall next to him to stand on weak knees. Hand crept up the wall to find the lightswitch, not even bothering to look behind him as he shut it off.  
  
He said nothing. He had no last-minute quips, no biting coolkid remarks, nothing. Dave didn't have it in him. Anything that was left of what he'd had when he entered was gone. He was just another bloodsmear on the floor of this chamber of death, and he didn't need another lasting reminder of that. He'd barely made it three difficult steps outside the door before he fell to his hands and knees again, throwing up the bleak remainders of coffee that lingered in his stomach. He had a hard time even managing the energy for that but he rose again anyway, stumbling in what he seemed to recall was the direction he came from. He... he just... needed to sit down. Not here. Anywhere but here.


	5. Chapter 5

He was feeling his way along the wall, limping awkwardly. The worst of his injuries were still bleeding, the knight leaving a distinct trail behind him as he shuffled along. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't care. And there was Karkat. Normally Dave did all he could to avoid the troll, but right now he really couldn't fucking care less. In fact, the fact that he didn't care was probably enough to say that he cared a whole fuck of a lot that there was someone else there. Not that he... oh, what the fuck ever.   
  
"What the taintchafing hoofbeast's ass is going on now. What the holy FUCK would make you end up stumbling about the hall, covered in your own fucking vomit, bleeding all the fuck over the place and -- shit, what the fuck did she do to you?" She... did he think Terezi did this?  
  
He was still shaking, tears were still falling down his stupid red cheeks from under his glasses. There were red little crescent-shaped marks from where he'd dug his fingernails into them. His broken arm was curled against his chest. Oh, fuck - once he stopped moving he started swaying on his feet, hand leaving the wall to hold his head and shit that was a bad idea. He stumbled, landing on his knees with a /crack/, a groggy, pained groan leaving him. Fuck, his head...  
  
"F-fuck... my head..."   
"Woah, fuck, on your feet, nookstain."   
  
Dizzied, he leaned forward, resting on shaky hand and knees. He felt like he was going to puke again. Normally he wouldn't want to even think of doing something so uncool in front of Karkat. But the coolkid... didn't feel so cool anymore. The troll knelt down in front of him, looking him over for a second before he looped an arm around Dave's torso, shakily pulling him into a stand. The kid nearly lost his feet under him when he was brought up, a pained grunt leaving him.   
  
"Shit, dude. Come on. Don't go limp on me."   
  
He hated this. He didn't want to need Karkat. But he clung to him with his good arm, taking a deep and shaky breath. Head tipped back to try and alleviate some of the pressure he felt bearing down on him, and his hood slipped off; exposing the blood in his hair that Gamzee had put there, and the blood from the repeated bashes of his head into various walls and floors. More than once he nearly lost consciousness just walking like that with Karkat; his knees would weaken and he'd find himself mis-stepping and nearly making them both trip up.   
  
 "You look like you dropped off the fucking meteor, fell into a portal and landed in a pile of spikey shit." Creative, Karkat, ever the eloquent one. "Seriously, the fuck happened to you? ..Why the fuck are you crying?"   
  
The question made a shudder run through him, weakened state making his muscles tingle with pain at the action. He whimpered pathetically.   
  
"I-it was a-an accident..." he whispered shakily, bruised knuckles tightening in Karkat's shirt as he attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. God, everything... was painful. Walking. Sitting. Standing still. "I d-didn't mean t...to... to find him..." He wasn't even trying to hide his tears or his condition. Dave wasn't sure if he really trusted Karkat. But it wasn't really about trust. It was more about not wanting the people he actually cared about to see him like this. And he didn't dislike Karkat enough to turn down help that he very obviously needed. He wasn't _that_ far gone. Close, but... not stupid.  
  
"You mean Gamzee."  The troll had stopped and Dave didn't register the action quite as quickly as he should have, taking another half step before actually... stopping. The name sent a chill down his spine and he whimpered again completely against his will, his stomach churning again and the kid taking a deep breath to try and keep himself from throwing up. Again. "The fuck did he do to you, anyway? Rip you inside out and put you back to-fucking-gether again?" From the time he'd managed to haul himself out of that room and to where Karkat found him had only been about ten minutes, but it felt like hours - and when clips and pieces of what had happened played in his head he choked on another sob, feeling like he wanted to die all over again. Shit like that didn't happen to coolkids. Dave... wasn't a coolkid. He was a pathetic, sorry, broken excuse for a 14 year old loser. Gamzee robbed him of his coolness. He didn't know if he could ever get it back. Or if he'd want it back.   
  
Karkat led them into the main lab of the place, where Dave had been not a few hours ago. He barely even looked up as they entered the room, only distantly aware that their surroundings had changed into the mosntrous laboratory. Oh, he was sitting now, apparently, and Karkat was sitting next to him. He reached out for the troll, suddenly, catching the sleeve of his shirt.   
  
"Karkat... I'm s-sorry," he whimpered, echoes of what Gamzee had said about regretting the insults he'd thrown about the nubby-horned troll ringing in his ears. Oh lord, did he regret it. He'd never regretted anything more in his entire life. "...t-told me I'd... re-regret it.... I d-do, I'm..." he swallowed, face slackening a bit. Ope... was he...? "...s-so sorry..." Just slipped unconscious for a second. So, so so sorry. "So... s-so... sorry..." More tears. God... For being invincible, it sure didn't make any of this any less painful.  
  
"Fuck, man, just.. Calm the fuck down, okay? It's fine, just relax." He glanced across the room to Rose, a nervous look given to Dave before he stood again, squatting down in front of the chair he was sitting in. He made eye contact, taking a deep breath. "Please don't tell on him. I'll talk to him, just - you can't tell on him. Please." Watching Karkat through his shades, he nodded dumbly. Had he any resolve left anywhere in himself, any shred of dignity or pride, he would have argued. But he strongly believed with every fiber of his being that Gamzee would in fact kill him if he told, regardless of whether he could die or not - that just meant he could do it over, and over, and over, and over again. He wasn't doing it for Karkat. He was doing it because while he may have left his dignity in the puddle of puke and blood he left on that chamber floor, he still had his sense of self-preservation. Somewhat. But he didn't hate Karkat. He should have. He should have hated him a lot, for how he got on his case about nothing constantly, about how his stupid fucking boyfriend or whatever did... this sort-of thing to people. Or rather, just to him. He felt a really, really, really fucking weird and deep and probably brain-damage-caused bond with him. He'd... really need to talk with him later. When he was capable of talking, capable of thinking, capable of existing without being in pain.  Rose had spotted them from across the room and hurried over, Kanaya close behind her. Her expression was that of obvious horror. Karkat straightened, folding his arms and taking a few steps back.  
  
"What the fuck happened?" she whispered, dropping to her knees in front of Dave, her hands nervously hovering over him.  
  
"I don't fucking know. I found him like this in the hall."  
  
 He was scared to take inventory of all the injuries Gamzee caused, willing to put the number somewhere over thirty. If he wanted to count individual clawmarks, he'd say over a hundred. He felt his eyes well with tears again suddenly, a completely out-of-left-field thought flickering across his mind.  
  
"I w-wish... John were here...." The goofy kid that always knew what to say cheer Dave up, the stupid kid that had a weird obsession with Nic Cage and the Ghostbusters and that Dave had always been scared to admit that he loved. But that didn't really matter anymore. Nothing did. Without another word his eyes slipped closed and he succumbed to blackness, slumping to the side right into Rose. He just couldn't hold onto consciousness anymore.   
  
Rose took a deep breath, clearly trying to keep herself calm as she held Dave, standing slowly. Karkat was watching him, his guilt evident. He looked to Rose.  
  
"I'm... gonna go find out what did this. Look around and shit. I'll... be back later." Karkat left, then; Kanaya and Rose watching Dave with mounting concern. It wasn't immediately evident what had happened; from an outsider's perspective it just looked like he'd been thrashed to hell and back. But something about him... Rose knew better than to think just that.  
  
"Dave...?" Kanaya tried quietly, gently touching his arm. He didn't respond. She looked worriedly to Rose, who was holding him, now, gently pulling him to the floor with her. He looked awful. He had at least stopped shaking and crying; the blonde gently wiping the tears off her brother's angry red cheeks.  
  
"Help me put him in one of the other chairs, Kanaya." The troll nodded, assisting Rose to get him carefully into one of the nearby chairs. Rose got a bowl of water, and Kanaya hunted for medical supplies. They were few and far between. The humans were god-tier - why would they need medical attention? Taking a deep breath, Rose motioned for Kanaya to help her pull off Dave's hood and cape, and his shirt. Delicately she pulled off his glasses, a pang resounding in her heart at how... puffy and wet his eyes were. She set the specs off to the side, cradling his head against her for a moment. Kanaya held back. Thumb brushed the corners of his eyes; over tiny red spots that had formed under the skin there. Something had put him under enough strain to break the capillaries under the skin there. Rose remembered once, when she was very very sick with the flu, throwing up and crying had made spots like those form next to her eyes. ...She couldn't help it. Now she was crying.  
  
"Dave..." she whispered shakily. "What did this to you...?"


	6. Chapter 6

An hour and some change had passed before Karkat returned, having... spoken with Gamzee. Rose and Kanaya had cleaned Dave up. But not without... difficulty. The two ladies knew they were in for a rough time when the blonde boy had snatched the scissors from Rose's hands and promptly sunk the point into his own neck, only to shimmer back to life moments later. Many more tears were shed by him and his sister alike following that, obviously for entirely different reasons. They'd refrained from using sharp things by him from that point on, and it made the process quite a bit more difficult. And when he'd attempted it a second time, actually very nearly falling out of his chair to snatch the scissors Kanaya was using to cut the bandages intended for his ribcage, Rose had had enough - and left. Kanaya managed to calm Dave down enough by herself, and he'd passed out again in the chair by the time the Cancer had returned. He was wringing his hands.  
  
"Karkat," the Virgo greeted coolly, not bothering to hide the sidelong glance that she sized him up with. Her and Karkat had always gotten on rather well, and had a sort-of mutual respect for one another. She never usually minded talking with him, and oftentimes felt rather... happy, when he trolled her. Even with his caps and foul language he was one of the more level-headed trolls. So it was actually with a certain amount of disdain that she had begun their conversation, much to her chagrin - Karkat was someone she never wanted to seem aloof - or, heaven forbid, unkind - towards. "You certainly have an aroma about yourself." Of course Kanaya could smell it. All the blood that clung to Karkat like a hundred leeches. Didn't matter if it was old or fresh - it tickled her senses in the worst way. Because she knew where it had come from.  
  
"You noticed." He murmured it. Of course she noticed. How could she not? He shook his head.  "Just.. Hear me out, okay? I need to talk to you about.. You know who." His words were quick and nervous, but quiet. "Just, listen, okay? He.." Karkat hesitated. "He did it. I'm sure you fucking figured it out by now. He did this - but you have to understand, okay? You have to understand, he's not right. He's sick right now, he's gonna get better, you just. You gotta lay off.. Please?"  Kanaya folded her arms across her chest gracefully, almost looking down her nose at the shorter troll. She didn't want to be this upset at him. She didn't want to be acting as if Karkat were the problem. But she knew Gamzee wouldn't come forward about it - and if he did, he would have no remorse whatsoever - so being mad at Karkat was all she had right now. For the courtesy of Dave, she kept her voice low.   
  
"I am not stupid, Karkat," she began in as gentle of a voice as she could muster. "I understand very well what happened here. However, the two humans that we are hosting here obviously do not. They do not understand blackrom, Karkat. They understand hate, they understand abuse, they understand pain, and they understand only the negatives. I cannot even bring myself to say the word Rose did, it sounds so vile on my tongue." Not only that, but she didn't fully grasp the concept of the term 'rape'. "What your moirail did was wrong." And it pained her to say this. "You should have concerned yourself more with his well-being than that of Terezi and Dave." She bit back the words 'look what you let happen' because Karkat didn't deserve that. She let her words sink in, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh.   
  
"I know, fuck, I know that. Don't you think I fucking know that? I know it was wrong, I fucking know it was wrong, okay? I should have paid attention to him, I should have seen him more, I should have fucking taken care of him but I'm a fucking jealous piece of shit and I know it. You don't have to fucking rub it in. Just give him a chance, it won't happen again, okay? He didn't know, he didn't know any better."   
  
Kanaya did not like Gamzee. This came as a surprise to no one. But she did still like Karkat. The only affiliation she had towards Dave was what Rose felt towards him, and unfortunately for Karkat that was a very strong bond. The fact that it upset Rose made her very much want to find and kill Gamzee, but the emotion that had won it out thus far was, for some reason, patience. Because she knew that he meant something to Karkat, and sometimes Kanaya felt like it was a little more than what he let on. The smaller troll continued.  
  
"He's stupid. He's a fucking stupid clown who doesn't know how to keep his shit together, and I'm a shitty moirail. If anyone should get punished around here, it isn't him, it should fucking be me. I should've taken care of him. He's my fucking responsibility, I've all he's got. He's.." Karkat paused again, looking away and wringing his hands. "He's fucking flushed for me, Kanaya, and when I left, when I fucking left he cried. He never cries. He never fucking cries. I've never fucking seen him cry and I'm his sorry excuse for a moirail.. Matesprit.. Whatever the fuck we are now, okay? Just.. Please, don't. Don't hurt him.. Please?"  
  
The tears that she now saw in his eyes struck her a little, and she sighed again. Karkat was not her enemy. And the more he spoke the more she felt her more obvious roots of caregiver taking over. A better part of her knew that no, Gamzee didn't know what he was doing. He was filling his black quadrant and that was perfectly acceptable. She knew Dave would have denied if he asked him outright, but it may have given him a chance to escape. Karkat SHOULD have taken care of him, he SHOULD have kept an eye on him. But she also knew that seeing Sollux like that had been a huge blow to him, and Kanaya could forgive Karkat. She knew, too, that Karkat was being sincere. She stepped closer, hoping the action wasn't seeming to be offensive. She felt bad for him, she felt bad for Dave - and a small, tiny part of her even felt bad for Gamzee. She sympathized with Rose but she was not as in-tune with her feelings as Karkat was, she could not sympathize to the full extent that she... wanted to.   
  
Hearing Karkat admit Gamzee was flushed for him had made her brows pinch and a small wave wash over her; a wave of pity. Karkat and Gamzee were the two trolls she often felt like she pitied the most. An outside, observer's standpoint had her very glad that they had each other, in a sick way. Even if... This was just far, far too messed up. She took a deep breath, rubbing her temples.   
  
"Rose will not be easily convinced." In fact it might have been impossible to convince her. Karkat's response was instantaneous.  
"No, no, no, fuck, don't tell her. Don't you fucking tell her, you can't." His brows were knit, and he was wringing his hands again. "She won't fucking get it. She won't get it and she'll fucking go after him, you KNOW she will. He doesn't know any better but she isn't going to.. She won't fucking GET that he's too STUPID to take those fucking humans into consideration!"   
  
"Karkat," Kanaya began in a sturdy voice. "She is going to find out one way or another. Look at Dave. Even if Gamzee managed to scare him into silence, there is only one being here that could - and would - do such a thing." Her hand reached out, grip tight on his shoulder. "As much as I wish it were avoidable, there is nothing you can do. Even if I did not tell Rose... she would figure it out. Is it not better to try and talk to her to calm her down than to let her find out on her own, perhaps when she is alone and not able to be pacified, to go and find him by herself?" She took a deep breath, gritting her teeth a little. "If there is anyone on this rock that hates him, it is myself. Rose is aware of this. If I am not looking to harm him, she might calm down. No harm will befall him by my hand." She could not say the same for anyone else amongst them. She would talk to Rose. Karkat was too emotional, too unstable right now to plead his case to her. Dave stirred and she glanced across the room to him. "You should consider talking to Dave as well." Dave wouldn't understand, either. But he was in no shape to do anything about it, now. "He lost a lot of blood and is not in very good shape. Be patient with him."  
  
"Fine. I'll.. I'll fucking talk to him, okay?" She could tell Karkat was fighting back frustrated tears, she could tell he was in a poor state from this. And again, she felt sorry for him. Kneeling in front of him she looked up into his eyes, laying a hand gently on his cheek.  
  
"We will get through this, Karkat. We have survived worse. Please, do not cry." He didn't push her away, he didn't knock her hand off. He just did the exact opposite of what she requested. She frowned gently, wiping Karkat's tears away and doing her best to calm him down. This would not be easy for him.


	7. Chapter 7

Kanaya left Karkat to go and speak with Rose, leaving the troll all alone in the lab with Dave. Even being half a room away made him uncomfortable, and he paced back and forth for several minutes before actually going over to him. And... for whatever reason, putting a hand on his cheek. Dave stirred, kinda fading in and out. He was sitting - rather, slouching back against it - in one of the computer chairs. They'd cleaned most of the blood off his face; his shirt was off and his torso was heavily bandaged, obscuring most of the skin from view. Blood was very faintly dotting the white gauze. His arms were limp at his sides, dried blood - his own - under the nails. His lip was split, but not bleeding. His shades and cape, and his shirt, were off to the side, folded neatly on the countertop. A bandage was wrapped around his head. He was concussed but didn't suffer any brain damage. Hopefully. His eyes were red from obvious crying. And when he opened them... the slivered lids showed his red irises; dull and glassy. He took a sharp intake of breath, hands gripping into the chair cushion he was sitting on.  
  
"K-Kan?" he muttered weakly. When he focused, he saw Karkat's face - his brows knit and he shook his head. Not the person he wanted to see. He didn't want to see anyone. He just kinda wanted to close his eyes and go back to not existing again. Being awake hurt. It hurt everywhere and everything in him just wanted to do anything to make it stop.  
  
"No, shitstain, it's me." Karkat took a deep breath. "Look, I need to fucking talk to you. About what happened." The troll knelt down, a hand on Dave's knee. He looked up at him as the troll got closer, watching him with those red eyes of his. Dave's breath caught in his throat at the subject but he couldn't say anything. Not just yet. Maybe if he ignored Karkat long enough he'd just go away. "It's not what you thought it was. You don't know what he's like, okay? He just.. He never meant to.." Another awkward pause, and he watched Karkat wring his hands. "Listen. He doesn't.. He doesn't get it, okay? How humans work. We have this.. Fucking quadrant system, you know about that, right? Black fucking romance. It's.." Another pause, hands back on Dave's knees. "Caliginous relationships are violent and hate-based, and he was.. Interested, okay? I don't.. I don't know how he didn't.." Karkat swallowed. "Just.. Fucking understand, please?"  
  
 Everything kinda floated around in his head, what Karkat was saying... He knew exactly what Karkat was saying. It didn't make a lot of sense, but he heard every word. When he spoke, his voice was scratchy - like he'd been crying and screaming for hou - oh wait, he had been.  
  
"So just like that, it's supposed to be fucking okay." His words and tone were impassive; entirely lacking any sort-of feeling to them. He understood alright. It wasn't what he thought it was, huh? "Do you know what we call that on earth?" he asked, no inflection in the question. "People will get locked away for stuff like that. They get locked away, and sometimes they get sentenced to death for it. I never thought for a single second that I'd come here and have some troll interested in me in any sort-of way. Not like that." When emotion finally showed on Dave's face, it was disgust. At himself. He swallowed thickly.  "I can still taste it, bro." His eyes were wet. "I can feel it in the back of my throat." If Gamzee had stopped there, if he had let him go after face-fucking him, Dave might have been alright. That was something easy to laugh off. Or walk away from uneasily but still be okay. His brows knit again, and he was looking at Karkat - but he was looking _through_ him. "I tried to kill myself. But I just keep coming back..." His voice cracked and he shook his head, chin lowering to his chest. He wasn't okay.  
  
"F-Fuck, don't TALK like that." Karkat stood up, and he was visibly shaken by it - not quite as much as Dave, but still hurt, still upset, still angry, and still.. Still sad about it. His hands gripped Dave's knees tighter.  "He didn't fucking get it, okay? He doesn't KNOW, he's fucking stupid, he doesn't know any better, I didn't fucking.. I didn't fucking explain it to him, it's MY fault, not his, not fucking his, okay? Don't fucking TALK like that!" His voice escalated, and Dave cringed; tears welling in his eyes again. "He doesn't know shit about you humans, he didn't know it was wrong, he -- fuck, don't, don't you fucking cry, don't you FUCKING cry, I can see it. Fuck, you piece of fucking -" Karkat stopped, bringing his hands to his eyes.  Dave cradled his broken arm to his chest again, the fingers weakly gripping into his bandages.  
  
"Y-you could do it... couldn't you...?" he murmured softly, looking back up at him again. Karkat wasn't watching. Tears clung to his lashes but refused to spill over the edge of his eyelids, every part of him visibly trembling. Uninjured hand snaked down his leg, hand gripping Karkat's fingers surprisingly tight for as weak as he felt. Weak as he was. It was a desperate, depressing grip. "You could... you could do it f-for me..." Head snapped to the side, as if realizing something. He scowled. "N-no... that wouldn't be fair or just... I'd just come back again..." Unless. Unless Dave attacked him and didn't relent. If Karkat killed Dave in self-defense it'd make it a just death; he was justified in killing him and he'd stay dead. He'd stay dead and none of this would matter. It would be hilariously inconsequential and everyone could go on living their lives. They could make it to the end of the game, the end of their journey. They would meet John and Jade without him, and by the time they did he wouldn't even matter. He'd be dead and forgotten about and it'd be fucking great. "Unless I made you do it... made you want to kill me..."  
  
"I can't fucking kill you. Just forget about it right now." Karkat sniffled - trying to resist the urge to sob again, and let his eyes slip shut, his hands wringing together. "We're gonna find out what to do, okay? It'll be fucking fine for all of us. Listen, you won't even have to see him. You won't have to see him again, just.. Just.. Just don't you fucking dare take him away from me."  
  
 "Do you know what this feels like? How fucking bad it hurts? My arm is broken. I can't fucking sit down, can't fucking turn my head, can't fucking do any goddamn thing without being in pain." His hoarse voice was rising in pitch now too, cracking with emotion. "Maybe I should tell you every fucking sordid detail, Karkat. About how he crushed every breath out of my lungs when he sat on my chest and forced his weird alien dick into my mouth and nearly choked me. Maybe I should tell you about how he tore my clothes off me and held me down. Knelt on my arm so hard it broke. Slammed my head into the wall and the floor four - no, FIVE - times. Forced himself into me and fucking _laughed_ when I cried, bled, told him it hurt, wanted him to stop - If John did that to anyone, I wouldn't even give him a second fucking chance." Talking about John upset him enough to push him over the edge, and his hand let go of Karkat's to grind into his eyes, Dave sobbing again. "Just fucking kill me. Knock me out, throw me off the fucking meteor. I can't fucking do this."  
  
"No, no, NO, he doesn't FUCKING GET IT, Dave, he doesn't understand, don't you fucking tell me that, don't you say a fucking word about it, I can't.. I can't..." He'd broken down at this point, too. The red-tinted tears had been slipping down his cheeks the moment that Dave had started giving him details. "Just.. Just fucking SHUT UP, okay? Just shut your FUCKING mouth, I can't fucking deal with you!" He shook his hand free of Dave's, holding it close to himself. "You don't fucking know him! You don't know what the fuck he's dealing with, what a fucking monster I've been to him, you just don't fucking get it, okay? If you're going to blame anyone, blame ME. He's fucked up. He's so fucked up, but he.." Pause. More tears. "It's fucking DIFFERENT. He didn't KNOW." Dave slumped forward, sobbing, gripping the front of Karkat's shirt.  
  
"If he didn't get it why didn't he stop," he croaked. He wasn't mad at Karkat. He wasn't anything. He couldn't feel anything aside the pain he was in. He slipped off the chair, onto the floor, clinging to him.  
  
"No, no, what the fuck are you --"  
  
"I don't kn-know what to fucking do." He didn't want to take anyone from anyone else. He didn't want anything. He wanted to just die and forget everything. Karkat, to Dave's surprise, wrapped his arms around him. "W-would he do it?" Would Gamzee kill him? He could go back, with his sword, fight him - it wouldn't be a fair fight, but if he attacked first, would that make his death just? Then anything that happened wouldn't be his fault. He would be so blissfully dead nothing would matter anymore. He moved his broken arm, holding around Karkat for whatever fucking reason - to ground himself, maybe - and cried. He trembled and sobbed, not knowing what to do so he clung to Karkat - someone he wanted to be his enemy - and buried his face in his shirt.  
  
"He wouldn't fucking do it. I know he wouldn't." No, he could do it - he could piss him off enough, he knew it. Dave was just so easy to hate, wasn't he? With his cocky attitude, and his tremendous amounts of ironic bullshit - he could do it. But...  
  
"I can't do this Karkat. I can't fucking do this. I shouldn't have said bad shit about you." So now he was back to that whole 'I deserve it' thing... "I wandered off. It was my fucking fault. I'm fucking sorry. I can't keep my fucking mouth shut. If I hadn't..." He had, and it was bad of him to do. He didn't want anyone to die or get killed because of him. Just let him die already and forget about it. "I l-let them down," he whimpered. Bro, John, everyone - Dave had let them down.  
  
"Just.. Shit, man, just c-calm down, okay? We can do this." Dave continued to latch onto the troll. He hated this. He hated that Karkat was the one comforting him. Everyone on this stupid fucking rock had someone. Kanaya had Rose. Karkat had Gamzee. Terezi was off eating chalk somewhere. Aradia had Sollux. Who did Dave have? He used to think he had Terezi but even now he didn't want her. He fucking... he wanted John here. He never had a chance to tell the stupid kid how he felt and now it was too late. Dave had no one, and he never would. No one would want something like this. Some defeated, discarded, useless fucking kid that'd fucked up. Got fucked up, got fucked, and was worthless now. No one wanted an uncool kid. He'd fucked up so bad. Bro was probably rolling over in his grave. He'd sullied the Strider name.  
  
"...wait, you said bad shit about me?" Karkat's voice got quiet. Oh, fuck. He hadn't even said shit that was that awful - it was just really inopportune.  
  
"I s-said you were fucked up... b-but I didn't mean it like that, I-" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "W-we all are, I f-felt bad he didn't know how you were doing... H-he said I'd regret it... he said.... I'd regret it and I do, I'm so fucking sorry I was just scared and couldn't think-" He was talking too fast and he wasn't breathing properly, the combination making him really dizzy. He leaned on Karkat, sobbing still, his entire form wracked with tremors. "I just want to fucking die, dude. I fucking w-want my bro, I want John here - I don't f-fucking have anyone. Fucking kill me... just do it..." John would never want him after something like this. And if he died, if he just fucking died - he could be with his bro again. That's all Dave wanted. He just wanted someone to fucking give a shit about him that he could give a shit about back. "Please... I c-can't do this..." He couldn't breathe, and he was hyperventilating against Karkat, his hands gripping him again and the kid erratically crying and breathing difficultly against the troll. For fuck's sake... Dave was pathetic.  
  
"N-no, just, shut up, okay? Shut up. This w-wasn't your fucking fault, okay? There was no way in all of fucking Alternia, no fucking way that you let anyone down. I don't give a shit what you say about me. I don't care, I don't fucking care, don't.. Just stop crying. Stop fucking crying." Karkat took a deep breath, still trying to fight his own tears. "John is such a fucking forgiving guy, and you don't have anything t-to apologize for. He doesn't even have to know, okay? He doesn't have to know - we'll see him in.. What, a sweep? A couple human.. Years, or whatever the fuck. I don't know. But we don't have to tell anyone. No one.. A-aside from Rose and Kanaya, you can keep your fucking dignity. You're not letting anyone down. And.." And..? "I'm not.. F-fucking killing you. Just.. Just calm down. You CAN fucking do it, you can do it - you know what any of us h-have fucking been through? It.. It sucks, and it hurts, and everything is shitty and nothing is okay but you'll b-be alright, just.. Fuck, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the fuck to do. I can't kill you, I can't fucking kill you. I'm not.. I'm not like that."  
  
Even if John never knew... Dave would. Dave would know. It'd keep him from being that much more honest with Egbert, that much more loving and open. It'd be some horrible secret that he couldn't let go of, that he couldn't trust John with even if every bit and piece of him wanted to. Because it would make John hate him, and he'd never want to talk to him again, or spend time with him, because Dave had been marked.  
  
"I n-never told him how I felt... Rose knows... but he doesn't. He doesn't kn-know that I love him. It makes my heart f-fucking hurt... knowing that he died... even if he god-tier'd it still isn't f-fair. John didn't deserve to die..." And Dave couldn't do anything to stop it. He just wished - they'd never played this stupid game. He hated it. He fucking hated it. He never wanted to do this. Okay, that was a lie, he did - but he wished he woulda had a little fucking foresight. "I know you can't unders-stand stupid human bullshit..." Trolls had quadrants. Dave learned that the hard way. They didn't know what love or any of that bullshit noise was. "But I l-love John more than anything and I... H-he can't see me like this..." Dave just wanted... someone. He wanted John but he wanted someone that... fuck. If he wasn't going to take the easy way out and just die... he really needed help.  
  
"John.. Will accept you, okay?  I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't f-fuc--.." Karkat stopped, took in a breath, and tried to steady himself. "H-Hold him back. Teach him better. It's my fault that he did this."  
  
"N-no," Dave croaked, rubbing his face into the troll's shirt. It was no one's fault. Not Dave's, not Karkat's... and if Gamzee was acting on troll instincts it wasn't his, either. Dave could hate him. Dave could hate Gamzee with ever fiber of his being. And he would - he did. But blaming anyone was pointless. Yes, the kid was a mess. Yes, the kid would be scarred for a long time, if not for life. But right now... there would be no use. Maybe, sometime later, Dave would be content with the idea of revenge. He might even exact it one day. Maybe. Dave only had a small understanding of what the troll relationships were or meant. He vaguely recalled Terezi trying to explain it once, and he really hadn't cared much. It was all Greek to him, and it didn't really seem important. Maybe if he had a better understanding... if he had known what that had meant... he would have gotten out of there faster, ran away and wouldn't have... gotten... He hoped John would accept him. It's all Dave wanted. He never told anyone, but he'd only played the game to get to meet him face to face. And tell him... How he felt. He sounded so pathetic. But Dave needed this. Fingers gripped into Karkat's shirt, the boy taking deep shuddering breaths. He wanted to calm down but he couldn't... He wasn't mad at Karkat. He didn't hate him. He could try, but he just couldn't hate someone that he... felt bad for. He seemed much more comfortable clinging to the troll and crying himself out. He was getting exhausted...  
  
Karkat ran his hand up and down Dave's back awkwardly. He was... actually managing to calm down. Not because he was any less unseated by what happened, but because he was pushing himself past the point of 'too much'. Another deep, shuddering breath came and his broken arm loosened its grip, pulling back to hug to his chest. The other arm was still around him, and his cheek was nuzzling into Karkat's shirt. The motion of the hand on his back was intensely comforting and he almost felt like maybe he could simmer down. At least enough to stop crying, maybe... Another deep breath, Dave opening his eyes. His tears were still very much falling but he wasn't wracked with sobs, instead trembling from the sheer exhaustion he was feeling.  
  
"Y-you're.... a good guy, K-Karkat..." His voice was weak, and he wasn't crying as much as he had been before. "Y-you wouldn't... have wished that upon anyone... e-even your worst enemy..." Karkat was a good guy. He was a good guy. This may have been partial negligence on his part but he was wholly good. As much as he didn't want to ever admit it. He was good. "Y-you're.. a good guy."  
  
 "N-No, I'm not. Just.. Let me get you t-to the couch, okay? Just.. Fucking bear with me." But he was doing this for Dave, wasn't he? Didn't that make him a good guy? Even Rose had to leave when she saw him like this. She couldn't comfort him. B-but now Dave was... feeling a lot better. At least he was wiped out enough to not feel like killing himself. When Karkat got up he did his best to follow, his knees weak like the rest of him.  
  
"Okay." They made their way to the couch and Dave slumped on it gratefully, whimpering a little and adjusting himself to a point where it was... the least uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Karkat..." he mumbled quietly. "I kn-know you hate this." _I know you hate me._ But he appreciated it... He needed it. His arm held tighter and he hiccupped on another stupid sob, weary and drained and seconds away from passing the fuck out. He needed that, too. And when Karkat sat next to him Dave couldn't help but snake his arms around him again, nudging under the troll's arms to cuddle against him. He just needed to be close to someone. Karkat made a noise of discontent but accepted this, scooting to the far end of the couch and letting Dave lay with him. When Dave finally fell asleep, Karkat heard Kanaya enter the lab.


	8. Chapter 8

"Karkat?" She didn't see him right away, and the couch was a little off to the side out of any straight line of sight. Once she spotted them she stopped, blinking at them curiously. "I see..." she murmured quietly, approaching the couch to sit on the floor beside them. Karkat didn't really know what to say. He wanted to ask how it went with Rose - he wanted to ask.. Anything, really, but all he could do was hold the boy that lie on his chest and frown, his brows knit tightly on his forehead and his hands running through the blonde locks.

"So.." He didn't even want Kanaya to see him like this, but the kid was drained. He'd be heartless if he kicked Dave off of him, especially.. Since all of this was his fault. He didn't know what to do with himself at this point. He needed to go back to Gamzee soon. The guy was probably flipping out, thinking he was never coming back again. He seemed to be pretty upset when he left and the idea of making him feel that bad again.. He hated it. He never wanted to hurt Gamzee. Even though he knew at this point there was no avoiding it. "I didn't know what to fucking do. He was crying, he freaked out, h-he.." He started talking details. "He t-tried to tell me every fucking thing that Gamzee did to him and it just.. I couldn't take it, okay? He needed somebody, and.. I was.. I was here, and.. W-where's Rose?" He was getting anxious. Really anxious. He needed to know how things went. He couldn't.. He couldn't let anything bad happen, and at this point he didn't trust either of them off alone. He didn't trust them not to look for Gamzee. Kanaya laid a gentle hand on his arm.

"I understand, Karkat. I am glad you were here for him."  
"How did things go with..?" He asked, and it was hesitant, audibly so. He was afraid to ask. That much was obvious. His blood pusher raced in his chest and he clutched a little tighter to Dave, his teeth grinding into each other and his worried gaze directed at Kanaya - who sighed, and pulled her hand back.

"She is not happy, but this should come as no surprise." Kanaya took in a breath. "Rose does wish to cause Gamzee harm, but she will not. She knows it is not in good taste to hurt someone that we may end up needing at some point. She's requested that he not cross her line of sight, otherwise she might do regrettable harm." Pause. "She does wish to speak with him, just once, however."

Oh. That was no good. Karkat swallowed, but nodded. He'd talk to Gamzee about it when he went back to see him, and while he did want to see Gamzee, he.. He didn't really want to go back soon. He didn't want to see the look on his moirail's face. He couldn't handle it. "Yeah, I'll.. I'll talk to him about that."

"Alone."  
"...What?" He couldn't do alone. He didn't trust Rose not to attack Gamzee and he wasn't sure he trusted Gamzee not to kill her. He'd done enough damage to them, he didn't need that looming over him too.

"I believe she just wants to express how devastated it has left her. And her brother." He took in a deep breath and nodded.

"Y-Yeah, I'll.. I'll talk to him, but.." Can they watch? Can they just.. Make sure nothing happens? "We need to make sure they don't hurt each other, okay? We need to just.. I know she said alone but we can't fucking risk it, we need to watch over them. We need to make sure, we can't.. We can't take any chances." He just wanted to be clear. He wanted to make sure that Kanaya knew. He couldn't have anything happen to Rose and.. He really couldn't have anything happen to Gamzee. He'd break. Kanaya wouldn’t look back at Karkat.

"She said that if they were not alone... she would take extreme measures to make sure he did not leave that room ever again." She wrung her hands. "You may not, but I trust her word. I do not believe I would appreciate someone else listening in on a conversation concerning such matters."

"So...When?" He really didn't know how else to phrase it. He was running his hands through Dave's hair, absent-mindedly, really unable to say much else. Karkat was a mess. There were still tear streaks from his sobs, still blood covering him - not his own, mind you, and he just. He looked terrible, he felt terrible, everything was terrible and everything hurt.

"As soon as possible. I know it would be best to let them both wait and cool off but Rose is... persistent."

"O-Okay.. Alright, I can do that, if.. If we're close to them, I'm okay with that." No, he wasn't. He wasn't okay with that, and he never would be. He seemed to be developing this terrible habit of grinding his teeth together. He sighed, and let his hands rest on Dave - not really sure what else to do with them.

"She has agreed to let us stand outside, away from the door. She just wants to be in there, door closed, alone with him." She sighed again, rubbing her temples. "I believe we should trust her. We will be close by if things go wrong. I am more worried about what she will do if we do not let her than what she will do if we go along with it."

“I don't know where he is right now. I told him to find another room, but.." He was sure he could find Gamzee. He was sure he'd be able to locate him, he knew his moirail well enough. He swallowed roughly and gently tried to remove himself from Dave's person, but really found it difficult. "Fuck. What am I going to do about this?" His scowl was plastered onto his face and it stubbornly stayed there, with no signs of leaving anytime soon. He tried to sit up again - finally prying Dave away without really hurting him or aggravating his injuries with Kanaya’s help, and slowly lie him down, trying to be as gentle as he could. "Okay, okay, we can.. Do this, I guess, it'll be fucking fine. Peachy." His blood-pusher was thudding so hard against his chest he could practically see it. His head hurt, his limbs shook, and he was in an overall state of fear that he couldn't shake. "F-fine, we can trust her. I just. I don't want anything to happen to them, okay? If we fucking. If we hear something too loud, sounds too bad, we just.. We gotta get in there. We have to. I can't risk losing.." He couldn't risk losing Gamzee. Not with how much he loved him. Not with how much he never got the chance to explain.

"Karkat?" Her voice was quiet, and she gently reached to cup his cheek, and thumb away his tears. “Things will be okay.” They both turned to the door as Rose entered. She looked furious. Well, that was probably because she WAS furious. There were tear-tracks down her cheeks, her makeup was slightly smeared, she just.. Well, she looked like a trainwreck. Storming up to the two of them, she clenched her fists and tried her hardest to calm herself.

"Do I need to wait for something, or can I have my word?" Karkat couldn't help himself when he cringed, when he tried to shrink away from the situation. He knew he couldn't though. He knew he couldn't.

"Y-yeah, let's.." Let's go, is what he meant. He'd lead the way, he had to. He was the only one who could figure it out - or at least, that's what he thought. "I don't know where he is right now, but.. I can find him, I have a fucking guess, so.." Rose just gave him a look, really. She just nodded to him, slipped by Kanaya's side, and took a light hold on the female troll's arm, as if.. Trying to comfort herself somehow.


End file.
